Tuesday, 18 June 2013



 ही पोस्ट मी delete केली होती. ती परत पोस्ट करते आहे.
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आज मी खूप दिवसांनी खूप हसले. मी, धन्या, पवन आणि अश्विनी भेटलो खूप दिवसांनी. आणि खूप भंकस केली. इतकं हसलो की शेवटी तोंड दुखायला लागलं. 
’पवनकुमार गुलाबराव पाटील’ (ज्यानी कोणी Where’s the party yaar हा movie बघितला असेल त्याला या नावातली गंमत नक्की कळेल) परत आलेत साक्षात US of the A वरून. तो अमेरिकेच्या तावडीतून सुटला याचा मला अत्यंत आनंद आहे. मग तो कसा subtly American झालाय यावर मी आणि धन्यानी त्याला खूप पिडलं. इतका उचकला बिचारा.
पवन आणि अश्विनी गेल्यावर मी आणि धन्या एका पेपर bag मधून जांभळं खात खात प्रभात रोडच्या गल्ल्यांमधून भटकत होतो. आणि आम्हाला दोघांना अशक्य हसू येत होतं की कसं लोकांना वाटत असेल आपण ‘couple’ आहोत! आणि कसे आपण सगळे घोळ घालत बसतो लायफात!
त्यांना भेटल्यावर मला एकदम माणसात आल्यासारखं वाटलं. आपल्यासारखेच घोळ आपली मित्रमंडळी पण लायफात घालतात हे बघून कसं बरं वाटतं. प्रत्येकाचा शोध वेगळा, प्रश्न वेगळे, विचारांची बैठक वेगळी, आयुष्याचा चष्माच वेगळा. आणि तरीही प्रत्येक जण एकमेकाचा सोबती. एकमेकांच्या वैचारिक आणि भावनिक घोळांचा वाटेकरी. जरा काही घडलं की वॅक करून सगळे एकमेकांकडे ओकून टाकतात. त्यामुळे ’तुला मी सांगितलं का?’ या प्रश्नाचं उत्तर कायमच ’हो. कधीच सांगितलंस’ असंच येतं.
निर्माणचं स्वप्न जरी नंतर आमच्यापासून दूर गेलेलं असलं तरी हे सगळे लोक मला आयुष्यात भेटल्याबद्दल मी देवाचे कायम आभार मानीन.

Sunday, 16 June 2013



I am writing a blog after ages. 

Things have changed and yet they seem to be the same. First and foremost thing is that UIRF II is over & so is my contract with Prayas. I worked on it for a year. And last few months were crazy hectic. But I enjoyed it immensely. I liked the work culture and people. Seema and Rupali became one of my favourites. Second important thing is that my passport is stamped with UK & Schengen Visa & I have travelled to Europe which tops everyone’s dream destinations. Third thing is my USA Visa is approved. So soon I will be off to USA which is another dream destination of everyone. 

And yet there is a disconnect which has been throughout. 

It’s a weird disconnect. In fact it is so weird that it is hard to capture in words. It seems as if I am chasing some dream destination called happiness and it’s constantly eluding me. So many times I have heard that happiness is not a destination, it’s a journey. And going a step further happiness is a decision.
There are moments of happiness definitely. They are like a spur of joy. For example when I finished all my final reports, cleared all my accounts with Prayas, bid a good bye for Europe and was coming home, I was extremely happy. There was a fountain of joy that was springing up from within. I was singing aloud on my bike. And that night when I and Girija went on a ride I just threw my head back and drank all the wind that I could. And when yesterday I met Dhanya, Pawan & Ashwini after a long time, we just laughed and laughed and laughed. After Ashwini & Pawan went I and Dhanya just roamed and roamed around deccan. After meeting all of them I felt so light headed. 

But I don’t know… this happiness is like a sign wave. It climbs… and then crashes only to go further deep than normal…. And what I am looking for is a deep layer of constant happiness which is not dependent on any external things…

I feel disconnected from myself… from my family… from most of my ‘normal’ friends…. There are now a very very few people and places that I feel comfortable with and connected with…. 

Why does this happen?? I wonder… I guess I need to learn to enjoy the ‘present moment’ whatever…